ESTIMATED READING TIME: 5 MINUTES
As I approach 19 months into my breastfeeding journey, it’s time that I share the real deal. Breastfeeding is such a beautiful journey, but it’s not all rainbows and sunshine. There are so many things I wish I knew beforehand. Nonetheless, I’m now ready to tell the truth about my breastfeeding journey.
my baby took to nursing quickly
Even though I took a great deal of time preparing for the moment, you never really know what will happen until you’re in it. From the moment they laid Turtle on my chest, it’s like he knew exactly what to do. I’m so thankful that I didn’t have any issues with getting him to latch properly.
While getting him to latch was easy, what I didn’t know could happen is: the sick feeling you get during letdown (I still experience this from time to time), the hormonal side effects of breastfeeding, or the loss of identity you may experience during your breastfeeding journey.
Yes, nursing was my goal, but once I started experiencing these things I tried to incorporate bottle feeding him breast milk as well. I thought by doing this, my husband could help with feeds so I could take a break from time to time. Turtle wasn’t having it!
Getting Through The bottle strike
Around 2 months, Turtle decided that he no longer wanted to feed from a bottle. At that time, I began to exclusively nurse. I still pumped to build a stash though. Being a first time mom, I got a bit overwhelmed because I’ve never had someone depend on me in this way. It’s kind of a no brainer that it would be this way, you know, being responsible for the life you created. However, I don’t think I was fully prepared to exclusively nurse.
Initially, the bottle strike caused me to feel an additional amount of stress. I felt my body autonomy go away and the mental toll it took is one I was not ready for. I really wish that more people talked about the mental health aspect that comes along with breastfeeding. While some moms do well mentally, others like myself may struggle.
I think the main reason why I had such a hard time is because we were living in Japan and I didn’t have a village to support me during this time. Also, none of my family or close friends exclusively nursed so I had no one to turn to for advice. Not having a support system that understands what you’re going through can make or break your experience.
Thankfully, my husband is extremely supportive of my breastfeeding journey. While he is unable to understand how it affects my body and mind, he always offered words of encouragement.
My breastfeeding journey beyond 12 months
The American Academy of Pediatrics now recommends that you breastfeed, in addition to solids, beyond 2 years, if possible. I’ll admit, when Turtle was younger and constantly wanted to be on the boob, I didn’t think this was realistic for me.
There certainly were moments where I just wanted to quit cold turkey because I wanted my body back. However, as he gets older and increases his consumption of solids, the frequency in which he wanted to nurse naturally decreased. These days, he mostly only wants to nurse when sick, when going to sleep, or when he just wants to be comforted.
It’s true what they say, things get better with time.
Now that he’s older and a bit more independent, I’m able to take the time for myself that I so desperately wanted before.
when will I wean?
To be honest, with the way things are going now, I’m not sure. We have a pretty good system going. I don’t offer the boob, but I also don’t refuse when he asks.
We’re so close to the 19 month mark that I’m now determined to make it to 2 years! If he decides to wean himself before that time though, I’ll gladly follow his lead.
what helped me on my breastfeeding journey?
Like I said previously, there were many times I wanted to give up based up on my emotional and mental well being. There are some things that help me to keep pushing forward. The main thing being speaking with my therapist and affirmations.
I often browse on Pinterest to find motherhood and nursing related affirmations. I say them out loud and believe them to be true. They help to shift my mindset from negative to positive. I also follow a few pages on social media that offer encouragement.
Another thing that’s helpful is talking to my mom friends. I have a pretty small circle but they’re all amazing moms. Each one of them offers me advice and it’s reassuring to know that I’m not alone or crazy for feeling the way that I do.
A resource I recently learned about is the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline. It’s available 24/7 and is confidential. This hotline is worked by mental health professionals and they a truly amazing. Sometimes you just need a completely outside listening ear to vent to. The number for the hotline is: 1-833-852-6262.
Lastly, taking intentional time for myself. Feeling touched out is real. There are days when Turtle just wants to be on me all day. When my husband comes home from work I go into another room and take anywhere from 10-30 minutes doing whatever I want.
All of these have helped tremendously.
Everyone's Breastfeeding journey is different
You may have days you feel like ending your journey early. It’s okay if you do! Your mental health and well-being is what’s important. Besides, a fed baby is the best baby!
For more information about the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline, visit their website here.
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